I’ve been reviewing my Journals and other writings when I was first experimenting with meditation. I thought I would post here, unchanged. I chuckle as I read my worries that people might think I was going to ‘turn medium’. What does that tell you about social conditioning? We are so entertaining as people…

Here it is:

I enjoy sitting in my little room, it has become my sacred place for relaxation and contemplation. There’s hardly anything in here, a box of records, a makeshift wardrobe, a heater, a table with all of my bits, and on the floor, my piles of books and CD’s. I must make this look more like a spiritual haven. But for now, it suits me fine. I listened to the meditation CD and started taking deep breathes so that as air filled my lungs, my chest expanded, my stomach went in, and as I breathed out, the reverse was true. The birds singing on the CD made me wish that I was outside and I made a mental note to meditate outside in the summer. I became relaxed very quickly. It’s almost as if I’m not so aware of my body. I feel more like I am just my friend – a feeling of detachment. I felt drawn to my meadow and I visualize opening the big white door which has flowers around the edges.  As soon as I have entered, there is a small frog on the floor. I say to myself “don’t be silly, you can’t have a frog in your meditation”. I pick it up and ask if it has anything to say to me. The frog tells me that ‘I am blessed’ – look, I don’t see its lips move or anything, it’s like we are talking telepathically. So, at the same time of achieving my meditative estate, I am also questioning what is happening.  
I continue walking into the meadow. I see myself laughing and swirling in slow motion. I feel so alive and happy – it’s like I am watching myself. When I am in my meadow, I am always dressed in white, and my hair is blond, like when I was a child, not the brown it is now. I am feeling the emotion of peace and elation and as such, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes.

I sit by the water’s edge and feel the grass through my fingers, the firmness of the ground and acknowledge the sun on my face. 
I feel that relaxed that I decide to ask for my spirit guide or my guardian angel to appear. The name Suzanne comes to me again from my right – I am somewhat disappointed because I think I am making this name up again – not that I know anyone called Suzanne and know that I should trust the process. I ask that she comes and sits next to me, so that I can feel her presence. My hands feel very heavy, and again, I feel a sense of warmth in my chest. I’m not sure what to ask for as I am just grateful that I can feel something so we just sit there for a moment.

I ask that maybe I could see her if I open my eyes and a question comes into my head of whether I would be afraid – I say no, but then immediately think  - well I think I would a little. 
I slowly open my eyes, peaking as much as I could without fully committing to who or what might be out there. Nothing. Zilch. Not a single person or soul in sight. I slowly became more aware of my physical surroundings and start to write in my journal.

By the time I have written to this point, I am still feeling a sense of calm, but the feeling of extreme love has gone. Whatever happened, it was worth it, for that moment. I wonder to myself whether she is only supposed to exist in my mind. At this point in time, I must say, I do feel very blessed. I hope people don’t think I’m trying to become a medium!

I write that was a truly beautiful experience. I think I shall go and look up more meditation experiences, although the meadow seems to work for me. After feeling so drained last week, I will put my book down and close myself down like I was taught at the classes.

I am standing at the top of the stairway, the lamp is burning bright, and I turn it down. I slowly walk 10 steps down, knowing that each one, brings me back to the ground.

Tags: Meditation