Procastination is my biggest downfall. It’s as if I am searching for that hidden key, the one with my name written on it that will at long last unlock and unleash the person I was born to be and become one of them. Who? You know, the successful ones that are ‘up there’ telling everyone else how they did it and how we can all do it too.

There is plenty of advice out there and all very attractive, especially those who will let you into their secret world and tell it for how it really is, and for that $9.95 a monthly subscription, you will have inspiration and ideas just pouring into you as you can finally walk on water and do exactly what they did.

Now, I’m not knocking their ideas as I truly believe that through expressing and sharing our talents, we are serving ourselves as well as being service to others through inspiring those to become the people they need to be. As I write, I wonder if I’ll do the same when I’m ‘there’. However, the point I’m making here is that there is a limit. You’ll know if you are one of them when you are dreaming, thinking, planning, visualizing, praying, chanting, talking, wishing (you get my point) more than you are DO-ing. There comes a time when you have bought enough self-help books, listened to endless CD’s on how to hypnotise yourself into believing you really are worth the effort and drank enough carrot juice for that total cleanse that you no longer need to go out into the sun for that orange glow. That time tells you, that the time is NOW. You may feel that you are playing at it, but whatever you need to do, start doing, and make it become real.

My husband once said a very poignant (and blunt) thing to me as I was reading my Angel Cards, one morning:

“how many packs of cards do you need to shuffle before you listen to what you have to say”.

It hurt and did put me on the defensive, because I loved the time in the morning when I would sit there in my dressing-gown and anticipate the future, but mostly because I knew what he was saying was true. I was thinking, more than doing, more asking, than knowing, and more seeking, than finding. I was in love with the prospect of uncovering a secret, of finding out more about myself, and a world that I didn’t know. That is all very well, but I had left a very well paying job, in order to find my purpose, and to be my own boss. At some point, I knew there had to be some action, in the meantime, I was searching hard, for something within, that still seemed to be a secret. The secret of success.

However, if I was to continue to see things in this light, then this is how they would remain, a secret.

What is it within us, that longs for a secret, a mystery? What would our world be like if there was no mystery, no need for science, no need for clairvoyants, psychics or wise men. What if we all just ‘knew’? Why are we so afraid to believe in ourselves? What need is there within us to maintain the illusion that we do not know, and be afraid of becoming all that we can be?

Perhaps that if things just ‘were’ with no secret to unfold, then we would have no choice but to just ‘be’. We would have to express ourselves for who we truly were, see ourselves in honesty for better or worse and believe that all we had was a creation of our own doing. And what would that mean? It would mean that we would have to take full responsibility for ourselves, our lives, and our relationships and our contribution to our home, mother earth. Yeah, I can see why we might be afraid.

So, what if I knew for sure, 100% guaranteed, get my money back, no questions asked, that if I released the fear, and just did it anyway, then I would create the life for myself beyond my wildest dreams? Would I hand in my resignation for my day job, there and then, and start enjoying life, being who I really am, contributing to in a more meaningful way? Where do I sign?

We’ve been told that when you are operating from a place of creativity, and vibrating inspiration, of love, peace and beauty, then you will attract all of these things in return. It cannot be of any other way. It’s your choice. It’s called free-will.

Why did the interest in one of many books about the universal law of attraction become so successful? It was called ‘The Secret. Very clever.

At the Health Shop where I was working, we wrote on our board outside the shop ‘The Secret is out’ and certainly attracted more than the usual amount of customers, who just had to know “what’s the secret?”

I was surprised to find myself becoming slightly irritated, that everyone was talking about The Secret, as if man had landed on mars and it was breaking news. It became my mission that for everyone who came into the shop to ask for The Secret, they also had to walk off another book such as Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks (and Abraham), or the Little Book of Abundance by John Randolph Price. Even the 20% discount I got at the shop, was not going to persuade me to buy it.

I was aware that I was developing a problem and I needed to know what it was. This had never happened before and I knew that my adverse reaction was a sign that there was something within myself that needed to be acknowledged. So, I asked: what is it within me that does not want to know ‘The Secret’. I waited, and then forgot I was waiting.

My husband’s comments about me investing more effort into my search for ‘the truth’, and not ‘getting on with it’ cut to the quick. A few hours later, after a polite and fragile courtship with a duel-driven supermarket trolley, I sat to read a book I had bought a while back about How to Write. It’s supposed to be quite easy: pen on paper, or fingers on keyboard. But no, it MUST be more difficult than that! I stopped after chapter one. I knew that reading more was only putting off, that which had to be done. The answer was becoming clearer.

It was through my writing that the words gushed out of me, with a huge sigh of relief. I realized that I had become too dependent on external sources for the validation that I was in connection with the power within, and that I could achieve the very things I was wanting, if only I demonstrated some courage. I was looking very hard, for the answer, the key that would release my potential, that would unleash me in all my glory, no doubt about it. Then the ah-ha moment came and I remembered my relationship with ‘The Secret’.

The Secret, was marketed remarkably well, and as a result captured the attention of more people who were looking to be reminded of the inherent power that lies within. ‘The Secret’ and every other offering on self-improvement available, provides an opportunity and choice for us all to find our way. For me, ‘The Secret’ symbolically represented my search for truth, that through its offering of insight and inspiration had the power to set me free. Yet, what had recently started to manifest, was a power that was keeping me captive in the endless search for self-approval, and had me spending as if there was no tomorrow. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to become an addict.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that whilst you are waiting for that miracle of self-belief, that will instantaneously propel you into the future that you have created in your dreams, you might as well make a start with the life you intend, whilst you’re waiting.

So what are you procrastinating about? Where are you holding back, in fear that you’ll never make it, or you’ll never be good enough? What are you waiting for? If you’re waiting for a guarantee that you won’t fail, you’re going to be waiting a long time. It’s your choice. It’s called free-will.

I’m going to give it a go, and see what happens.